I am coming home early. The friend with whom I was planning to travel following the conclusion of my school program has to return home unexpectedly due to a family emergency. It sounds like a tragedy, but in fact it is kind of a relief. These past three weeks in McLeod Ganj have blown my world wide open, but it is a world centered around Tibetanness, not Indianness. I have lost all fascination with India outside of the Tibetan communities here. There is something about their spirit that enthralls me, and has drawn me in.
My ama-la read did mo for me tonight, which is Tibetan divination. I asked several questions, the first of which was should I return to McLeod Ganj. The answer was yes, except the time is not right quite yet. I asked if I should stay in New York after graduation, the answer to which was that if I stay, there will be a negative energy preventing my body and heart from being in sync. And Indiana is absolutely out of the question. I then asked if I should continue to study Tibetan Buddhism. If I do, it will be incredibly difficult, but well worth it in the end, which confirms what my intuition has been telling me these past few days.
I asked about my love affairs next. There is no love for me in Indiana. New York has potential, but there will be a woman physically coming between my mind/heart match, which has already been proven true. In McLeod Ganj, there are no obstacles. In my ama-la's words, "You are the queen of this town."
My last question was, "Am I Tibetan at heart, or was I Tibetan in a previous life?" The answer was overwhelmingly yes, 100% yes. There was one card which my ama-la didn't know how to read, which I interpreted as probably indicating the fact that while my heart is Tibetan, I am not in fact born of a Tibetan family.
I will return to McLeod Ganj within a year. I will continue to study Tibetan language and Buddhist philosophy. My heart resides in exile.
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