Conversations with DJ: Ass Wendesday Installment

Me (7:31:49 PM): happy ash wednesday

d J (7:31:55 PM): thanks

Me (7:32:25 PM): what is it about? do you know?

d J (7:32:37 PM): it's like

d J (7:32:44 PM): catholics go to their cathogogue

d J (7:33:00 PM): and a child molester smears burnt toast on their forehead

d J (7:33:19 PM): which protects them from evil wizards and walrus ninjas

Me (7:33:40 PM): how did the tradition originate?

d J (7:34:08 PM): then they walk around all day with the burnt on their foreheads, so that all the wizards and walrus ninjas can see that they are not to be reckoned with, all "what now bitch? yeah that's what I thought"

d J (7:34:14 PM): interesting you should ask that, S

d J (7:34:39 PM): it originated in 1972, the year that Rock attained perfection

d J (7:34:53 PM): it was a crazy time, with vietnam war protests

d J (7:35:03 PM): everyone was doing acid and pcp

d J (7:35:55 PM): one day the leader of the hippies, Bobby Jindal, was just standing around and he passed the fuck out, face first into a pile of burnt toast

d J (7:36:39 PM): when he stood up, every woman, and 90% of the men in attendance were inexplicably sexually attracted to his forehead

d J (7:36:46 PM): it was the biggest bukkake the world ever saw

d J (7:37:16 PM): Bobby Jindal's forehead was gangraped for nine solid months before his family reported him missing

d J (7:38:18 PM): when they found him, half dead in a kiddie pool up to his lower lip in smegma, his devoutly religious parents demanded to know what he had been up to

d J (7:38:44 PM): he said that he had been visited in a dream by Dr. Phil

d J (7:39:15 PM): who told him that every Wednesday after mardi gras was henceforth "Ass Wednesday," The Great Feast of Gettin' It On

d J (7:39:41 PM): and that he was hitherto St. Bobby, The Patron Saint of The Horontal Mambo

d J (7:39:58 PM): but Bobby was tripping on peyote at the time

d J (7:40:05 PM): and he pronounced "Ass" as "Ash"

d J (7:40:26 PM): and he had all that ash on his forehead and nobody believed that he had actually gotten laid anyway, so Occam's razor pointed to Ash Wednesday

d J (7:40:49 PM): then everybody went to Ruby Tuesday's and got shrimp Poppers. The End!

Me (7:40:58 PM): wowzers!
d J (7:41:44 PM): true story