Swing on the Spiral

I have been acting out, out of control, swinging on the spiral... letting it carry me further and further out to I don't know where but I embrace the freedom of not thinking simply acting. Spinoza would frown on my passivity, but I'm allowing the entropy to tear down the facade of an ordered life.

I have a new adopted brother. I met him a week ago outside a reggae party. He was carrying an ankh and draped in crystal beads and Ethiopian crosses. He pledged to lend me assistance whenever I need it no matter where I am or what time it is. He calls me "goddess", "magnificence", and allows me to carry his ankh as a mirror. He also gave me a full bottle of frankincense oil. Friday I met him at Brooklyn Museum for First Saturdays. We spent all our time in the Egyptian exhibit, meeting the gods face to face and he agreed to let me wear one of his ankh necklaces until he saw me again and could make one for me. Afterward we drank Guinness out of coffee cups on the lawn and I met a bunch of his other brothers and sisters. They were nearly all wearing ankhs around their necks. I have never met so many true Egyptians. They all have beautiful locks, some of them with beads, feathers, and charms adorning them. Amazing, truly amazing. I will see my brother again tonight and we will dance to reggae again.

Last night I saw David Byrne for free at the Prospect Park Bandshell. It was incredible. Liz and I sat on a black sheet and drank Jim Beam and ginger ale and smoked and danced our way through the triple encore. I also made a new friend when Liz went to pee, an artist named James. We exchanged names and emails, and we are going to the Met on Thursday to see the new Francis Bacon exhibit.

I've been meeting so many beautiful, amazing people this summer. It makes me kind of sad that I will be leaving them for five and a half weeks. But there is little I wouldn't give up to go on this trip to India.

I still haven't stopped listening to Tool pretty much constantly. It's all I want to hear. Especially "Lateralus". Just watch this video if you're curious why.

full moon effect

A spiral galaxy exploded into tiny shards when it fell from my hand. It's energies scattered, but I collected the pieces as a souvenir. I now carry two planets trapped together in glass, orbiting each other. One is red, one is purple, and they are both ringed in gold... floating in a silver sea of stars. As I struggled to preserve an old order, I failed to recognize the coming into existence of a new one. So it goes.

when i awoke i was struck with awe that there was a new day

I am moving on Thursday. I found a new apartment in a different neighborhood. I have lived in many different neighborhoods in this city. I have moved eight times, perhaps. It is not easy or cheap, and doing it by yourself is miserable. Fortunately, I have had help, and though I've lived in shitty places, I've lived in very unique and diverse places. There is no end to where anyone may end up in this city, let alone the world.

The word "entropy" is derived from the Greek εντροπία "a turning toward" (εν- "in" + τροπή "a turning"), and is symbolized by S in physics.?-wikipedia memorized this term in AP Chemistry my senior year of high school, and I have been fascinated by it ever since. It had a profound impact on my system of belief. Chemical theory was always very fascinating to me. I'm also really fascinated by cosmology. The mere fact that at any given moment, the whole universe is out there happening at the very same time. Add to that the possibility of other dimensions. Endlessness infinitude. O. I'm taking a course next semester on science and religion. It is being taught "in tandem" by two professors. David Morgan, Physics; Michael Pettinger, comparative literature and languages. I go to a pretty small private school in the middle of Greenwich Village. I'm getting a really interesting education but I don't really know if it will get me a "real" job. My education makes me not want a "real" job. I've given some thought to non-profit. That seems to be the default sector of the alumni from my school.

Do you ever challenge cars when you cross the street? Sometimes I do. I am a very aggressive pedestrian. Sometimes I do it very smoothly and skillfully, but some days I'm not 100 percent and I end up bumping into people, cutting them off, bumping into stuff, tripping, dropping stuff... generally klutzing it up. It's on those days I feel like my timing is off, like I'm moving at a different pace than the rest of the world and it makes it difficult for me to harmonize with my environment. However, there are some days when everything is so unified it's like the whole day was orchestrated to work in my favor. One day I was sitting in a cafe on University eating a late breakfast and reading a novel. I use a queen of spades I found somewhere as a bookmark. When the waiter brought me my food, he remarked that it is supposedly an unlucky card. My reply was, "I don't believe in bad luck." I really like the look of the card, and it makes a sturdy bookmark.

I'm pretty sure my family is convinced I am a total whack job. Or, maybe I'm convinced they're convinced because I'm convinced. I have definitely said things before that could be used against me in the event my loved ones tried to have me committed. However, the fact that they haven't yet is a good indication they never will. Unless I get more whacked out... which isn't impossible. (And you have yet another example of something that could be used to discredit my sanity when I'm committed.) I just like pointing out the different ways there are of interpreting one thing. I am particularly fond of turning ambiguous phrasing into inuendo. Especially by tagging on, "That's what she said." I have a very juvenile sense of humor.

I am currently reading "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman by theoretical physicist Richard P. Feynman. It is about his adventures in life learning, teaching, working on the Manhattan Project, winning the Nobel Prize, and making lots of mischief. It's a very straightforward story, heartfelt, honest account of Feyman's adventures. I'm about 4/5 done, and I don't know anything about him besides what I've read, so I'm anticipating finishing it. I will let you know how it goes. I haven't decided what to read next but I have a lot of books and plenty of time to read before I go back to school. I don't really have much going on.

I have been having a really good time of life lately, having adventures of body, mind, and spirit. Not many adventures of heart, though; there just isn't time, yet. I'm in no hurry.