Two of Cups [Light and Shadow]

Harmonious union of two
in cradled exchange,
the overflowing nectar of love,
nourishing them on their lotus seat.






Two cups splash like fountains in the hands of a loving pair. The smiling couple embrace on a lotus floating on the waters, primordial emblem of sanctity and creation. Both are nude and long-haired, and somewhat androgynous. Their nakedness indicates the holy simplicity of Eden, the freedom of the body and soul unencumbered, and the potential for the mysteries of love. Each figure holds out an overflowing cup of love and friendship. Their long hair intertwines above them in a graceful curve, then falls into the vessels like water into fountains. Waves of energy ripple outward from the point where their hair intertwines above their heads. All the pleasures of unity with another are here foretold, the ability and impulse to intertwine emotionally and spiritually with another. On the cups are inscribed the symbols of Venus and Cancer.

Meaning
Love, affection, flowing good feelings. The loving unity of opposites and compliments. Romance, courtship, and dalliance.

homesick

Being back in New York feels strange. I hesitate to use the term "home" now when I refer to it. I no longer know where that place is that home is supposed to be.

No, I know where it is. But it is not a place where I can pack up and move to. It is only a place where I can be. In your arms, my head nestled against your chest, hair bristling against my cheek. Our limbs entwined, our skin glowing red and melting into each other. Your kisses peppering my salty forehead and cheeks and nose and ears. You and I in our nakedness, pressing as near together as we could, and still you whispered "I can't get close enough to you."

And here I am, far away from you, sitting alone in my large empty bed. In the darkness of early morning, alone. The sounds outside my window seem so harsh and foreign and unrelenting. The sense of ease I felt with you lingers in my memories and yet here I am. Restless. Longing. Homesick.

I miss you already.

13 years go by...

I didn't see this coming. Not until it was already staring me in the eyes. By the time I felt the truth of the matter stirring in my gut, I was too enthralled to look away, to deny it. As simple as it should be, this truth refuses to be easy. It has no mercy for the feelings of others. It has already trampled on some. Now here I am, here we are, but my time is brief before I'll be where I would rather not, where you are not. But the truth can still reach me there. And that is where we must find our suffering together.

as we fell asleep

"You see that poster?"

"Yeah."

"We should do that."

"Aren't we already?"

"Yeah, I guess we are."

encounter #2

Ah,

I see you glancing,

Out of the corner of your eye.

You
are
filling someone else's
space
while your eyes,
your eyes
trace my contours

Up, down,
up, down.

I see you.

I'm watching as well.

"I will rise up"

I get it. There were some things I didn't like about you, either.

tension headache

I weary of this disdain, this exhausting frustration. The specters of past failures drift as I drift, through tunnels and alleyways, empty hallways, this empty bed. I mourn these ghosts as half-heartedly as I cared for them while they lived. First, frustration sprung from this desperate impotence; next, a passionate anger, rage where there was once, even briefly, tenderness; finally, indifference, an unfortunate casting away of all vestiges of the potential for a life unlived. It is foolish to cling to hypotheticals, foolish to linger in the shadow of ambivalence. And yet... and yet... ?