retrofacto

PAGE ONE
Crazy nights, bursting, bursting. Full of LOVE. It's bursting out of my eyes, my nose, my very pores. Seeping, seething, brilliantly exploding. poison magic potion. I can feel the train coming, and I'm eating the leftover coke out of my nose. It is making my LIPS TEETH AND TONGUE NUMB. I

PAGE TWO
I know I AM GOD and I KNOW you know it, too. Dear Lover, I see the suggestion of you everywhere. I have such a LOOOONG BROOKLYN! BOUND TRAIN RIDE AHEAD OF ME. Where are you, my man who is God? My man who is me. I'll know you by sight. I already know you by feel. I felt you very close me

PAGE THREE
tonight, but NOT QUITE THERE. I paid my overdue fine today. My requisite sacrifice. Trouble FOLLOWS ME AROUND. I don't ask for it. It just comes to me. I'm a magnet for CHAOS. I am actively S P I R A L I N G OUT OF CONTROL! This is both a blessing and a curse. Order only exists for me

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to fall apart. That is all order can do, by Nature. But necessity will bring us together. Dear Lover, I see the incomplete reflection of you in all these males but I don't recognize MY SELF (whatever that is) in them. Dear LOVER. I truly need you. I long for you always. You are always in

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MY DIVINE HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PAGE SEVEN
my true heart. I have a false heart which I wear on my sleeve, and a true heart that is locked deep inside me. I know how the the key must feel, but I have no idea what it will look like. No locksmith crafts a lock without a key. All the other men are just there to cut my teeth on.

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The real deal is mysteriously lacking, absent. Lover, I'll know your lips, and they were NOT HIS. When I meet you, ALL OUR QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED TOGETHER. I FEEL FULL OF GOD=LOVE.

PAGE NINE
The magic train is on its way. I can feel it wanting to be here. I wish I had a guardian of the night with me. The Vampire has stuck his fangs into me. He drank my blood and has walked in my blood MY BLOOD. He has placed ME under his dark spell. He abuses me when I

PAGE TEN
beg for it, and only when I beg for it. I want to write filthy BLACK poetry to him.

No more wanting

REALIZE.